Parenting advice for your consideration

This information may seem very strict, but many of our children are growing up being left to themselves to make major decisions.  I hope that this  is helpful.Some Parenting Advice For Your Consideration

Brilliant young men and women are opting for games and game technology rather than spending their youth in learning.  They are squandering the time that God gave them in their teens to invest in skills and mental growth.  When they finally wake up to enter the workforce, they are unprepared.  Because of mental and possibly social immaturity, they decide that staying at home with parents is the safest and easiest place for them to be. 

Also, unchecked raging hormones and the race to explore their sexuality without the benefit of marriage is producing children with children.  Without sufficient income, they are taxing their parents and/or grandparents with the financial burden of supporting them and raising their family for them.  At this point, they are already behind the earning curve and begin to lean on parents, grandparents, welfare and unemployment.

What a disaster!  Even if they are married, they are unable to go to college or trade school because they must work 2 or 3 jobs just to try to make ends meet.  In losing their optimum time in life to "get it together", they have inadvertently caused their future and their family to struggle financially.  Although some may “make it big” the overwhelming odds are that they will not be one of them.

In their own defense, many young people fantasize that they will be the next Bill Gates, movie star or singer.  They plan to be instant millionaires or win the lottery.  In the minute instance this would materialize, they may still be lacking the necessary interpersonal, financial or social skills to maintain it.

In love, parents must arise and demand that their children meet the normal standards of growth.  Only when these standards, rules and policies are enforced will children mature into functioning human beings who are contributors to society rather than a drag on themselves, their parents and the general welfare system that is in place for those who "can not" - not for those who "will not".

The "will nots" become the "can nots" when they have wasted their God-given talents and the appointed time of their youth to equip themselves for the life journey ahead.

In this day and age, youth culture is very organized and marketed.  Our young people are brilliant and capable in so many areas.  Proverbs 22:6 says to "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." 

Each child has a particular "bent" and it is the parents joy to help identify it and to guide them in that direction.  Sometimes a child, teen or twenty will show a great capability or strength in particular areas.  Parents can focus on these areas while still maintaining equilibrium in the necessary ones. 

The most wonderful way for a child to grow up is to know they are loved by God, their parents and their family.  Loving discipline is essential to real growth. Firm, reasonable, and loving guidelines must be set up and enforced.  Children have to know that they are accountable to God, to their parents, and to society.

Because you love your children so much, you will always want the best for them.  Hopefully the listing of some basic guidelines for parents will be helpful in raising godly, wholesome children, teens and even twenties if they are still at home.  These suggestions are not meant to be harsh but to strengthen your resolve to do your very best at this

once-in-a-lifetime endeavor.  I'm sure you know some other principles that would be helpful to new parents as well.

.     Take your children to church.  You must go to church too!  The worth of Jesus in their lives is directly affected by the Jesus they see in your life.  Like us, children don't automatically see their need for a Savior.  We must show and tell them the Gospel in as many ways possible so they understand that they were born lost and separated from God.  They have come on the scene like we did not knowing the truth.  A good way to understand our need for Jesus is to think about a thriller movie.  The plot was set in the first few minutes.  If we happen to come in late, we might think it was a good movie, but pointless.

So it is with the Gospel.  Because of Adam and Eve's sin, every single person is born separated from God through no fault of our own.  Getting mad at Adam and Eve won't help because it is already done.
It is our earthly inheritance.  We also must realize that if they hadn't sinned, it would surely have been one of us.  We are all born with "sin spots" that cannot be washed away by us.

Understanding our fallen nature makes us realize the importance of John 3:16.  God's great love gave us JESUS - the only possible remedy for our situation.  "For God so loved the world that He gave His only    begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life".  Every child must understand that since we were created in the image of God, we are spirit beings and therefore we will never die - we will live forever, SOMEPLACE!  Jesus came and died in our place and went to Hell so we won't have to.  Jesus paid it all for every person ever born or will be born.  Through His resurrection, He has established this immeasurable Gift of Salvation to all!

However, even though Salvation has been given, every person must receive this Salvation for himself.  He (or she) must ask for forgiveness and ask Jesus to come into his life.  Only when a person does this
can he change from going to Hell to going to Heaven.  That's the facts - hard as they may seem.  Jesus said in John 14:6, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No man comes to the Father but by Me."

 If a child receives the Lord into his life at an early age, Jesus has access to him all of his life.  He will be guided by Him if he will mature in Him (John 8:31-32).  Further, I John 5:11-12 simply states God's position about our eternity.  He is the One who made the decisions about this and it is not up for a vote or debate.  "And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.  He that hath the Son (Jesus) hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life."

This has been a very lengthy explanation, but it is essential that your child understand God's plan for Salvation because He loves your child and wants to spend eternity with him as well as all mankind.  God didn't leave anyone out of His wonderful plan.  Our decision must be made on this side of eternity.  You can’t decide after you die!

.     Help your child develop a conscience.  Explain right and wrong in every situation.  Help them to think through what it means to "do the right thing".  Use the Bible, especially the books of Proverbs and Ephesians to know what is permissible in life and what is forbidden.  Lying, cheating, and stealing are absolutely not to be tolerated.  The Bible is also clear that it is not permissible to defraud someone of the opposite sex.  It is important to teach children that it is not right to steal something that only belongs to the future husband or wife after marriage.

Back to basics:
.     Require standard bed times.  Our children and youth are tired most of the time.  In addition to the normal sleep needs of children (remember they still see a Pediatrician until they are18), sometimes they talk, text, and type into the wee hours without the parent’s knowledge.  Children are staying connected 24/7 and it is robbing them of sleep and "down time".  A wise woman suggested that all electronics (cell phones, computers, ipods, etc.) be turned in to the parents by 9 p.m. each night. 

.    Limit exposure to "best friends".  It’s so easy to allow close relationships to replace the time needed for development of life skills.  Stop immersion in drama situations!  Youth may say, "Parents just don't understand".  They look to peer opinion which is robbing our children of heeding sound advice from parents.  Unfortunately, peers cannot guide teens and twenties through the maze of life as they have never been "there" before either.  Only seasoned adults know the way.  Because children are not really mature until they are about 25, parents must take their position seriously and not give up too soon. 

 .     Limit (not cut out) extra curricular activity and sports. Help them decide on specific ones that are constructive and valuable to enhance their quality of life as a person – even if it’s just for fun.  Don't be afraid to make strong decisions in these areas.  Help them make wise choices.  Too many extra curricular activities will divert their attention and energy that needs to be directed to gain knowledge and skills for their adult life ahead. 

.     Instantly cut off wrong relationships your child may be drifting into.  Do not think they will figure it out before it's too late.  As a parent, you can see more clearly where the end of this relationship might lead.  Don't be afraid to forbid your child to associate with someone you know will destroy their life - even in little ways.  There will be tears, but look ahead into their future and help them stay on track.  "My Mom (or Dad) said NO!" will free a child out of a tough situation.  Let them know that your love for them keeps them from being fed to the lions.

.     Establish fun family activities and insist they participate.  They may roll their eyes and refuse, but your relationship as a family will stand the test of time whereas their current situation is exactly that ... current, but not lasting.

.     Make room for their friends to go with you SOMETIMES, but not all of the time.  Carefully choose who is allowed into the inner circle of your family.  They must be a plus, or their personality can destroy
teachable moments.  If you are constantly making adjustments for their friend’s behavior, they simply cannot come with the family and should be restricted to have very limited exposure to your child.  Really watch how your child interacts with them and how they act toward you when they are under the influence of this "friend".  You can see what your child cannot see.  Talk about it in private even though you know they will talk about it with the "friend" later and you could be embarrassed.  Know what to do and don't be afraid to do it.  Secretly they know when a relationship is wrong, but they cannot control their peers.  You have to know when to step in and be the parent and sever the tie.  If you do not get involved, it will only cause trouble later and you will weep for not taking a stand.

.     Establish a dress code for both sons and daughters.  Styles and fashions are constantly changing and others will be wearing the latest fad.  Require your child to wear clothing which is appropriate (not gang or weird related), covers his/her body and is not skin tight.  There are lots of articles of clothing that will cover sensitive areas while they still enjoy the newest creations.

.     Require your child to stop and "think" about what they are doing and where they are going.  People drift into jobs and situations because they don't do their homework before taking the plunge.  Because church attendance is a requirement for your family, it is very important that you not allow your child to apply for a job that will work them at church times.  Most jobs for teens are in fast food and the manager schedules work hours according to their needs - not you or your child’s desires. 

Other considerations such as safety, environment, attitude of the business personnel, and intuitive "red flags" could cause certain businesses to not be on the approved list.  Also, keep a close watch on what is going on and be fearless in instituting change if needs be.  Their future depends on your parenting.

Through creative research you can help them find jobs that are right for them.  (Not too glamorous are pet sitting, lawn mowing, baby sitting, etc.)  If you can control the hours, working as a grocery store cashier is invaluable.  Learning to make correct change and being accountable to someone other than the parent is good experience.  It also teaches awareness of employment requirements and how systems work.  

.      In all of the raising of your children, periodically ask them if you have done something that has caused them pain.  We make decsions from our understanding, but the child does not have our take on the situation and may become offended.  Don’t be afraid to ask their forgiveness if you have wronged them.  You may only need to explain why you made that decision and the matter will be cleared up.  Walk in forgiveness not only for them but also in asking them to forgive you.  Parenting, at its best, is still fraught with opinions and mistakes.  Adjust continually.  Do your best to help your children grow up godly, straight and strong.

.     Love your child.  Honestly have fun with them.  Their likes won't be yours.  Find ways to bless them at their stage of maturity.  You will build great memories in some very simple ways.

.        This is your life too. 

ENJOY everything that you can. 

ENJOY your life together at every age. 

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!